Being on retreats staff means running activities more often than not. Since I took a ropes course last January I am now belay certified which translates to many hours of working at the rock wall.
There I am in the heat of East Texas in my buckles and straps, sunglasses and solid expression as I use what I feel is my special code language to communicate with my fellow staff members.
I mean, I’m really wearing this harness. I’m walking around hooking in carabineers and tying complex knots as if I’m a natural. Like, I was climbing trees and rock faces since I could walk.
And there’s something about this façade of being a cool, know-it-all, professional that strikes me as being grown-up, which is something I rarely feel. So, I embrace it. I let the guest groups think I’m a strong athletic woman who knows her way around the ropes course, when really I took a week-long course and have climbed this rock wall only once and only because I wanted to do the zipline.
But let me go back to this desire to feel grown-up for a little while. Why is it that I don’t like feeling grown-up for very long? I mean, I’m 24, an adult in every sense of the word and although I look rather young I’ve traveled and graduated college and lived and moved to a place all on my own. Yet, I like feeling like a kid to some extent.
Maybe it’s because adults seem so settled and I’m anything but. Kids are always looking forward to the next thing, no matter how small it may be (ice cream after work? It’s all I can think about all day!). I never want to be an adult in the sense that I stop learning or act as if I do know everything there is to know. I want to be open and trusting and ready to experience new things, never set in my ways or done growing, especially in my spirituality.
When we’re kids at heart we are better willing and ready to be molded by our Maker.
So, I’m ok with only feeling grown-up with my sunglasses and harness on. That’s really all I need.
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